Create a Dreamwidth Account
Site and Account
Reload page in style:
2009-09-07 07:00 pm (UTC)
Well, I'm not entirely sure what you're trying to say, because I don't know
you're talking about when you say "good parenting" as in,
is saying this model is "good parenting" and where? Sorry, bit confused. Do you mean what the "won't somebody think of the children" type people think? (Who rarely think of the children imo).
Or do you mean the "seen and not heard" model, as in, a good parent is one whose child never "acts up" (i.e. acts age appropriately) in a public place, whose main role is to basically keep their child out of adult view as much as possible?
Because most people I know in real life, and on teh intarwebs, think of "good parenting" not at all like that, although everyone differs.
Personally, in my own parenting, I like the quote by Alfie Kohn about carcinogens. When people say "but you've got to be harsh with your child because he'll meet that in the outside world" I think of it like carcinogens. He's gonna get exposed to plenty of carcinogenic substances in the outside world, but that doesn't mean I start it at home. As with carcinogens, I believe that if I provide, wherever possible (and it isn't always in my familial situation) a loving environment, where my kid can never doubt that he's loved, whatever happens to him elsewhere he can have the inner resilience to deal with.
Not that I wouldn't take bullying seriously, and maude knows if I could afford it and his father would allow it (ha!) I would home educate him, and not that I'd push him to do stuff like climb trees, cross roads and go to the shops by himself before he feels he's ready, but still.
As for "potential", well, the only thing I want for my kid is, wherever possible, to be happy, and happy as an adult. I see that that potential is probably there, and I basically show him a lot of love, avoid punishments and extrinsic rewards where I can, never, ever hit him and... well, that's it really.
As he gets older there are other things I'll have to do; many of them specific to raising a white, TAB male (he would tell you he's a little boy himself, and I'm respecting his current self identification but there is the possibility he isn't a boy, obviously) whose sexual orientation is currently unknown. As in, he's gonna have a hell of a lot of privilege. And it's my job to help him learn not to abuse it.
(And as for "happy" - well, I suffer from depression/anxiety, and sometimes I
wonder, yes, is "wanting your child to be happy and happy as an adult" ableist/prejudiced against people with mental illness, and I'm not sure, you know, I'd be lying if I said it doesn't trouble me sometimes, but also, I would like to be happy, and I'm sure my abusive childhood and being raised in a cult
help my current mental state, so ...)
Sorry if this is a bit tl;dr.
Thread from start
This account has disabled anonymous posting.
You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address.
Sign in using OpenID
If you don't have an account you can
create one now
HTML doesn't work in the subject.
Check spelling during preview
This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.
Most Popular Tags
all about me
Expand Cut Tags
No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 22nd, 2017 04:34 am
Top of page